


3 times hinata nearly came out and the 1 time he actually did

by daddyfinch



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Stealth Trans, Trans Hinata, but doesnt show it very often bc idk, dumbasses mutually pining, idiots being funny, introducing kageyama whos actually really caring and good at communicating, we pretend that this is within canon, who cares about canonical kageyama characterization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:35:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29481561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daddyfinch/pseuds/daddyfinch
Summary: i think the title/tags are pretty self explanatory.hinata is trans and nobody knows... or so he thinks.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 3
Kudos: 155





	3 times hinata nearly came out and the 1 time he actually did

The thing was that Hinata never changed in the club room. It’s not that he didn’t want to--he always wanted to feel like part of the team--but he just couldn’t. He supposed it must seem a bit weird to the rest of the team that he always scampered off right after morning practice, and by the time he left afterschool practice, he was normally the only one left aside from Kageyama--and with him it wasn’t hard to avoid changing by making excuses or running to get his bike before meeting Kageyama again to walk home together. Hinata had always been careful not to let anything slip in front of anyone, especially the team.

Today was no exception. He and Kageyama had just finished practicing and it was nearing 7 o’clock when they finally exited the gym. Hinata was so engrossed in his slightly one-sided conversation with Kageyama about something that required lots and lots of sound effects, that he didn’t even notice that they had arrived in the club room until he saw Kageyama start stripping. The innate instinct that made Hinata want to copy other peoples’ actions took hold of him and he felt his fingers find the hem of his shirt and start moving upwards to expose his upper body. 

Shit! Hinata thought, I’m so stupid! If I take my shirt off, Kageyama will see the tape for sure and then I’m done for! Stupid, stupid Hinata! He shook himself out of his thoughts to find Kageyama staring at him while Hinata’s shirt was halfway pulled up, exposing his soft stomach, his waist that was a bit higher and dimpled in just a bit more than the other boy’s, and his hips that he hated because they were made wider for carrying children. 

Hinata dropped his shirt and his face flushed bright red as he tried to play it off.

“Ah, I just realized that my shirt-- well, I don’t have one...um I mean I just, my bike, I remembered! I’LL MEET YOU AT THE GATE!” And with that Hinata sprinted out of the room with what he hoped was all of his stuff, leaving a half naked Kageyama looking a bit startled and really confused. 

Hinata’s heart palpitated in his chest as he sprinted towards the bike racks at the front of the school. He stopped next to his bike and flopped his upper body over his knees to catch his breath, heaving air in and out. He cursed under his breath, mentally kicking himself for his smoothness back in the club room. He felt anxiety bubble up from deep within his stomach. God, he had almost screwed everything up, he had almost outed himself--and to Kageyama of all people. Hinata had tried so hard to make sure that he appeared as a normal boy to everyone around him and all his hard work had almost gone to waste. 

Here’s the other thing about Hinata: he’s trans. He’d known since forever that he wasn’t a girl, despite what his family had tried to tell him, until they finally gave up around the time he was in third grade. That was also about the time he discovered his love for volleyball and he decided to rename himself to Shoyou because he was often described as sunny and he sure did love to jump.   
[A/N: in case you didn’t know Shoyou (翔陽) means to jump over the sun so]

Ever since he entered middle school, he had been a boy to himself and everyone else, and no one ever questioned it. He coasted through those three years without a hitch. Well, that’s not entirely true because the biggest hitch of his life attacked him during his second year of middle school: puberty. All of these horrible changes overtook his body all at once, and he was scarcely able to look in the mirror anymore. And to make matters even worse, he didn’t even know what was going on because he had been put in the male-anatomied class when it was time to learn about puberty in school. Hinata felt so scared and disgusting, and those years were probably some of the worst so far, but that’s when he learned about being trans. 

So many pieces fell into place in his mind after that and the more he learned, the better he felt, because he knew that he wasn’t alone and that there were solutions to his problems. So, by the time his third year rolled around, he was equipped to conquer the world, binder and all. Everything was going for him, he finally had a volleyball team, he could feel more comfortable with himself, and at the end of the year, he got into his dream highschool. 

Now that he was finally there, at Karasuno, it was better than he had ever expected, and all he had to do was not screw it up--which, apparently, he was beginning to struggle with. He heard footsteps approaching him and he looked up to see Kageyama walking towards him, carrying an extra bag in his left hand--his bag, Hinata realized, that he had accidently left in the club room in his rush out.

“Oi, dumbass, you forgot this.” Kageyama extended his arm out for Hinata to take his bag.

“Thanks, Bakageyama.” Kageyama scrunched up his face at Hinata, but soon relaxed it as they started walking down the darkening streets, side by side. They continued on in silence for a while before Kageyama broke the silence, uncharacteristically, saying something about a movie that he saw, and Hinata thanked the gods that he didn’t say anything about what had happened in the club room. 

When it was time for them to part ways and head to their respective homes, Kageyama actually smiled down at Hinata as they said goodbye and Hinata felt his stomach have a little dance party as his face turned a million different shades of red. 

That’s the other thing about Hinata, he’s gay as fuck...and he has a massive crush on Kageyama. 

***

The next morning found Hinata blearily dragging himself out of bed to get ready for the day. He trudged into the bathroom and began his morning routine that went like this: 

1\. brushing his teeth with the mintiest toothpaste available, taking special care to poke out any bits of food from under his wire retainers lining the backs of his teeth that were the only reminder his mouth had that he had braces in middle school. 

2\. scrubbing his face with a foamy soap in an effort to make his skin soft like Suga-san’s, and not an oily mess like it normally was. 

3\. changing, his least favorite part of the morning which required several steps of it’s own. First, he took off his sleeping shorts and slipped into a pair of boxers and practice shorts--he always changed in steps because having to look at the whole of the body that he was perpetually trapped in all at once was too much, especially so early in the morning. Second, he shimmied out of his shirt and sports bra that he slept in and began taping down his breasts with KT tape. Even though Hinata suffered from his female anatomy, he was lucky that his breasts were on the smaller side because it allowed him to tape down his chest rather than wearing a binder all day everyday because that was extremely uncomfortable, not to mention unsafe especially because of the constant volleyball practice throughout the day. Then he would put on his practice shirt and a jacket for the bike ride to school, shove his uniform into his bag, and grab a meat bun for breakfast on his way out the door. 

When he got to school that morning, Kageyama was already waiting at the front gate and he muttered a greeting as Hinata locked up his bike. Hinata didn’t particularly feel like running to the gym, but hell if was gonna let Kageyama win, so off they went tearing across the school grounds racing towards the club room and nearly careening into Suga and Daichi as they rounded the corner of a building. However, that didn’t stop them from continuing to sprint up the stairs to the club room door and wrestle with each other to get in first despite the fact that the door was still locked. 

Kageyama was flush against Hinata, pushing into his side and threading his fingers through his orange hair. Hinata could feel his face heating up and for a brief second, his gaze fell to Kageyama’s pink lips and his mind went blank, and then Kageyama was turning towards him, leaning down, and putting his hands on Hinata’s chest. He prayed that Kageyama couldn’t feel the race of his heart or the rough edges of the tape under his shirt as they stood like that for a second, faces inches apart. Hinata thought--or maybe just hoped--that Kageyama was going to lean in just a little bit more and slot their lips together, but that moment quickly passed when Kageyama pushed against his chest, sending Hinata to the ground, and blocking the door with his whole body with a smug look on his face that said “haha, I won.” 

Hinata stayed on the ground for a few more seconds, looking up at Kageyama’s face, studying it. Underneath the satisfaction, there seemed to be a layer of concern, confusion, and guilt, not anything like the normal smug expression that Kageyama wore. Shaking off his shock, Hinata jumped up at Kageyama and squawked about him not playing fair as Suga and Daichi finally made their way up the stairs with the key to the clubroom. Hinata saw his two senpais shaking their heads as they unlocked the door and he continued to squabble with Kageyama. 

About ten minutes later when everyone was gathered in the gym, Ukai announced that they would be doing 3-on-3s during practice. Hinata’s first match was him, Tanaka, and Suga, versus Kageyama, Ennoshita, and Tsukishima. Yacchi started to hand out practice jerseys to Hinata’s team per Ukai’s orders, but Tanaka stopped her. 

  
“No need, no need. We’ll just do shirts and skins, right boys? I think it goes without saying that we’ll be skins,” Tanka said as he stripped out of his shirt. 

Hinata started to panic. He couldn’t be on the skins team, there was just no way. They had always just worn practice jerseys, so why was Tanaka even suggesting this now? He tried to come up with a good excuse to not take his shirt off but all that came was, 

“Ack! No!”

“Why not, my little kouhai? C’mon it’ll be fun!”

“Uh, I just don’t really want to take my shirt off Tanaka-san…”

“It’s okay, Hinata! It’s not like you’re hiding anything under there. Unless… Do you have a secret tattoo? A hickey?!”

At this, Kageyama’s eyes got fiery and he snarled from across the net. 

“Just take the goddamn jersey, Tanaka.” Kageyama was exuding anger and Tanaka looked like he was about to die of fright as he accepted the practice jersey from Yacchi, who looked equally frightened by Kageyama’s death glare. 

Hinata felt himself relax a little and Suga stepped next to him and gave a reassuring smile.

“You don’t ever have to be on the skins team if you don’t want to, Hinata. I’ll make sure of it.”

He smiled warily up at his senpai and tried to focus his mind on the practice ahead of him, but he kept catching sympathetic worried glances from Kageyama that distracted him to no end. Maybe it was just a tactic he was trying out to gain the upper hand in this practice match because it sure was working. But, eventually, the glances stopped coming and the rest of practice passed without incident.

***

It was that time again. That time when Hinata had to be extra careful that there was no blood spotting his shorts, because even though he was prepared to say that he had hemorrhoids--rather than coming out--that was still not something he particularly wanted to cross off of his bucket list.

Hinata had downed two Advils to deal with his cramps before he left for school that morning, but by the time afternoon practice rolled around, the drugs had mostly worn off and he could feel his insides constricting as he made his way to the gym. His cramps were a bitch. They felt like the devil’s burning hand was reaching into him up from hell to grab his bloody flesh and twist as hard as possible. They were painful and they made him nauseous and they were a constant reminder of the body that he so badly wanted to leave behind. 

When practice started, it took all of Hinata’s strength to not double over in pain every other second. He felt bile churning in his stomach and a dull ache growing in his lower back. His performance was lacking that day, he wasn’t able to jump as high or as quickly, and he was missing a lot more spikes than normal. Kageyama kept yelling at him to get his act together and when they finally took a break, Hinata couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Shut up, Bakageyama! It’s not my fault I feel like shit!” Kageyama’s expression changed immediately. 

“What do you mean? Are you getting sick? Will you be able to play in the practice match this weekend?” 

Well, no Hinata wasn’t sick, but how could he explain that to Kageyama? He couldn’t. That’s the answer, he’d have to think of something else. Then, all of a sudden, Hinata had the most genius idea he’d ever had in the history of ever. 

“I’m not sick, it’s just...I’m having tummy troubles.” Kageyama’s eyes widened a little bit.

“Are you anxious about something? Do you have a test tomorrow?”

“What? Why would I be anxious about something?” Kageyama blushed and looked down.

“I don’t know. Just, your stomach always acts up when you’re nervous, like before an important match or something.” Hinata was a little shocked that Kageyama had actually pulled himself out of his own little world to notice that, and just as he was about to respond, Noya, who had been eavesdropping, butted into their conversation.

“Maybe Hinata’s nervous about a giiiiirl~~” And just like that the old angry stone-faced Kageyama was back. He huffed off to continue practicing and left Hinata on the sidelines--Ukai had told him to rest for a bit, until he felt better. 

Later that night, when Hinata and Kageyama were walking home together, Hinata’s mind was drifting back to what Noya had said at practice, he wondered if Kageyama had ever felt that way about a girl. 

“Hey, Kageyama, if you could date any girl in our class, right now, who would it be?” Kageyama paused for a second.

“I think I’d rather just be single.”

“Oh, so then an upperclassmen?”

“No.” 

“You don’t want to date any of them?? Even in the whole school??”

“What? Is there a problem with that?” Kageyama asks defensively. Hinata knew exactly what Kageyama was trying to say and he smiled internally because maybe he did have a shot with Kageyama. 

“No, just...I feel that way, too.” Kageyama grunted and they walked in silence for a few more minutes until they found themselves at the crossroads where they had to part ways. Kageyama looked down at Hinata. 

“So, you’re really fine? You’re not sick or anything?”

“I’m ok, Kageyama, I’ll be fine tomorrow,” or so Hinata hoped. 

“Feel better, dumbass,” Kageyama said, as knit his fingers into Hinata’s hair and gave it a little ruffle. Hinata felt his stomach grow warm and even after they had parted, he still felt the butterflies dancing around within him until he fell asleep that night. 

***

  
God Flipping Damnit.

Hinata had just woken up and started his morning routine, only to find that he had run out of KT tape for binding. He had to leave the house in ten minutes and his only option was to dig out his old binder from middle school and make do. 

He rummaged through his closet and pulled out a white garment that hadn’t been used since the end of eighth grade. Hinata pulled it on over his head and couldn’t help but notice that it seemed a bit tighter than the last time he wore it. He stuffed a sports bra in his bag, just in case and hurried out the door on time. 

His bike ride to school winded him more than he would’ve liked to admit, but he would definitely still be able to make it through practice just fine. He didn’t quite feel like his ribs were being put through a trash compactor yet, so he would probably be okay. He remembered wearing this thing every day when he was younger, and how it would sometimes feel comforting like a nice hug or absolutely horrifying like suffocating. 

Hinata parked his bike and saw that Kageyama wasn’t there quite yet, so he waited at the gate until he saw the taller boy approaching. Hinata was definitely not racing with Kageyama today because he needed to save all his energy and breath for practice. So, when Kageyama took off in a sprint, Hinata didn’t follow, and the younger boy stopped a few meters in front of him and turned around when he realized Hinata wasn’t next to him. Kageyama wordlessly walked back to Hinata, and they adopted a leisurely pace as they went to the clubroom. 

Practice started as it normally did, a few warmups, some receiving practice, but then Ukai sent Hinata and Kageyama to a secondary gym, so that they could polish Hinata’s broad jump attack. They quickly fell into rhythm, Kageyama would set, then Hinata would run across the court and jump to spike the ball. Set, run, jump. Set, run, jump. They continued on like this for 15 minutes, occasionally speaking if Hinata wanted a different toss or if Kageyama wanted him to try jumping differently, and by the end of it, Hinata’s lungs were screaming. He was aware of the fact that every breath he took didn’t quite fill up his lungs as it normally did, and that his lungs’ expansion was being restricted by the white cloth that wrapped around his chest. 

The lack of oxygen was affecting his muscles, they normally burned when he practiced but now they were practically oozing lava. His legs trembled ever so slightly, and he was about to call for a break but he thought, just one more, I can do one more. 

He readied himself to take off running across the shiny wooden floors towards the net, as Kageyama set the ball on a high arc towards the opposite side of the court. Hinata sprinted towards his target and planted his feet to leap sideways into the air, but his legs failed him. 

His knees wobbled and his quads shook, and he only got a few inches off the ground before his sideways momentum carried him to the side of the court, and pushed him down into a crumpled heap on the floor. Kageyama was next to him in an instant, hovering over him, his face etched with concern and panic. 

“Are you hurt?”

Hinata shook his head. He could feel a bruise on his hip already forming, but other than that he was okay. 

“Idiot! What the hell happened?! You could have been seriously injured, pulling something like that!” 

“I just got tired.”

“Why didn’t you ask for a break?!” 

“I was going to, Kageyama! I just thought I could do one more.”

“Dumbass.” Hinata was getting frustrated with Kageyama acting like he never overworked himself.

“It’s not like something like this has never happened to you before!! I don’t even get why you’re being like this right now, you’re acting like my mom! I bet you’re only upset because you need me to do quicks.” Kageyama looked at Hinata for a second with incredulous eyes. 

“You really are a dumbass.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“You think I’m only worried about you because you’re good at volleyball? Really? You’re not even the ace! You don’t see me concerning myself with Asahi-san’s wellbeing!” Now that Hinata thought about it, Kageyama only acted this way towards him, constantly making sure that he was keeping himself healthy and reproaching him when he wasn’t. So then...What compelled Kageyama to look after him like that?

“I like you, dumbass. I just want you to take care of yourself.” Hinata sat up to fully face Kageyama.

“You- what?”

“I like you, Hinata. I’ve been trying to tell you for months, but I guess I should’ve realized that you’d be so oblivious.”

“Hey! I’m not the only one, Bakageyama! I’ve been trying to tell you, too!”

“Really? How?” He asks mockingly. 

“Well, we-I walk home with you after practice!”

“We live in the same direction.”

“Yeah, well I could just leave you behind!” Kageyama raised an eyebrow. 

“Uh, I stay late with you to practice? No! Remember that one time we were walking home together? When I said that I didn’t like girls?”

“I said it first.”

“ARGH!” Hinata flopped back on the ground and covered his face, giving up on that competition. Kageyama leaned over him and gently pulled his hands away from his face. 

“I don’t care that you’re oblivious, Hinata. I like you.” 

“I like you, too, Kageyama.” Kageyama leaned down until their faces were inches away and Hinata could feel his warm breath and his face. 

“Can I…?” Hinata nodded and Kageyama closed the gap, pressing his lips against Hinata’s. He felt so warm and nice, and Hinata never wanted to leave that moment. He kissed back harder and opened his lips a little more, inviting Kageyama to do the same. He nipped at Hinata’s lower lip, causing the orange haired boy to open his mouth wider, and then Kageyama slipped his tongue inside and playfully licked at Hinata’s teeth. And there they were, on the floor of the school gym, making out. It wasn’t quite what Hinata had imagined, but it was amazing nonetheless. 

Hinata’s hands had found their way to the back of Kageyama’s neck and into his hair, sometimes pressing down so that their teeth clacked against each other lightly. Kageyama’s hands were doing some exploring of their own, resting on Hinata’s shoulders first, then trailing down to his stomach and back up again. His large calloused hands found their way under Hinata’s shirt, and he was so lost in the moment that he forgot about what was underneath until Kageyama broke the kiss.

“What is this, Hinata?” Kageyama asked while fiddling with the hem of his binder.

Hinata’s face filled with panic and he sat up abruptly, almost knocking their heads together, and got up and get the fuck out of there, but Kageyama grabbed his wrist and stopped him. 

“It’s okay, Hinata. I know what it is...I’m sorry that you felt like you had to hide.” Kageyama’s face held none of it’s normal hardness or anger, instead it was filled with empathy and understanding for Hinata.

“It’s not what you think,” Hinata said, voice shaking. Kageyama stood up next to Hinata, still holding his wrist.

“I know you’re a boy, Hinata, but your body isn’t like mine.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Hinata’s eyes were brimming with tears and Kageyama reached his arms out and pulled him into a tight hug, his face buried in Kageyama’s chest.

“Hinata, it’s ok. You don’t have to run anymore. I’m here.” Hinata let out a choked sob into Kageyama’s shirt, and he rubbed Hinata’s back in slow steady circles. 

“I didn’t want anyone to find out,” Hinata said between sobs. 

“I know.”

“How-how did you know?”

“Your height.”

“Mean,” Hinata said, but it came out like a laugh.

“I’m supposed to know how my team is doing, it’s my job. I just noticed some things and put 2 and 2 together.” 

“I didn’t know you could do math, Bakageyama.”

“Me neither.” Kageyama lightly pushed Hinata away from him and looked down into his face that was stained with tear streaks. 

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Kageyama. I-it’s just a lot.”

“I know.”

“Does anyone else know?”

“Not that I know of, I haven’t told anyone.”

“So, the team doesn’t know?”

“Not unless you want them to.” Hinata nodded.

“Hinata, I just want you to know that I’ll be on your side, no matter what. I’ll help you in any way I can.”

“So, it doesn’t bother you that I’m…trans?”

“Should it?”

“And you still like me? Even though-”

“Even though what? You’re a boy, I’m gay, I like you, what more is there to it?” Hinata wiped his still-wet eyes.

“Thank you.”

“Always.”

***

As the pair was walking home that night, they talked and chattered as they always did, and paused to say goodbye where their paths diverged. However, what was different, was that tonight Kageyama leaned down to give Hinata a goodnight kiss as they said goodbye. He had a smile on his face when he stood back up.

“Hey, Hinata, you know what’s funny?”

“What?”

“All this time, we’ve been walking home together and you’ve thought that I lived this way but...I turn left out of the school gates to get home, not right. Anyway, goodnight, Shouyou.” With that Kageyama turned around and walked away into the night, leaving Hinata standing there agape, in shock of what had just happened. 

His brain was short-circuiting a little, but his chest was filling up with happiness because Kageyama had walked all those extra miles just to be with him for a few more minutes of the day. 

Hinata didn’t bike home that night. Instead, he walked slowly and marveled at the beauty of the world around him. He breathed in the scents of his hometown and thought about how much of a mystery Kageyama still was to him but that he would get to explore more of him in the coming days. He thought about how relieved he felt that he didn’t have to hide anymore, even if it was just from one person. He felt hope in his heart because a weight that he didn’t even know he bore had been lifted from his shoulders and he looked up and thanked all the lucky stars in the sky for that. 

As he continued on his way, he remembered how he hadn’t properly said goodbye to Kageyama. So, he whispered into the night breeze, hoping that it would carry his message all the way to him, 

“Goodnight, Tobio.”

**Author's Note:**

> hi lovelies!  
> just wanted to let you know that i talked about a binding method that uses KT tape and i just wanted to let all of my afab masc/ftm friends know that this is a real thing you can do! there is also a specific product called trans tape that does the same thing and there are lots of videos and tutorials online! (side note: in my experience it only works for pretty small breasts, which i do not have, so you have been warned)
> 
> also, special thanks to my friend anna for providing the comparison of period cramps to the devil reaching into you and twisting your guts, circa 2016, many thanks.


End file.
